| nostalgia is stupid. |
[Nov. 2nd, 2010|01:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Closer To The Edge-30 Seconds to Mars | ] |
in the last few days i've really been reflecting on the past. people, events, and just things that i've encountered in the last few years.
and all in all, i'm starting to learn how to forget. i want to forget so many things from the past.
i'm tired of one song, one word, one image reminding me of something and the memories flooding back and me not being able to fight back the tears anymore.
some pain, some abandonment, some joy, some happiness.
but,
all i seem to do anymore is cry, and it's scary. i wasn't able to cry for two months straight.
all i want to do is move on, and redefine myself in ways that i never have been able to before. i want to walk away from the memories that have had me bound for so long. i'm not bound to my old self, i'm not bound to who i use to be.
i heard once that elephants can be in one spot because of a small rope and a small stake in the ground. people are amazed that such a large animal is held down by something so small. but it's because when the elephant was little it only knew this as being stronger than it was. and after trying to pull at the stake in the ground, it realized it couldn't move. that it wasn't strong enough.
past thoughts, memories, and realizations held the elephant back from running.
it's insane to think that i, myself have been held back by so many trite things in my past.
there's so many things i'm scared of doing due to fear.
i'm 19 year old.
i started this livejournal when i was 14. i'm not that 14 year old girl anymore.
but yet that 14 year old mindset is still in my head.
i'm tired of living in fear in that 14 year olds mind.
i'm tired of being tied down to that stupid stake in the ground.
i want to be the 19 year old Amy, not the 14 year old Amy.
the 19 year old Amy is starting over, moving on, and is breaking stakes.
this journal makes no sense.
but it was nice to get it off my chest.
stay true-
amy elizabeth |
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