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[Feb. 15th, 2011|03:42 am] |
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And I'm still awake from the previous day. I haven't been able to sleep.Tears are falling, and my heart is shifting.
I'm realizing for probably the thousandth time how broken I am, and how faithful Jesus is to mend my brokeness. Lately, I've been coming face to face with God's faithfulness and love even when I try to run from it. Now I bet you're wondering, "Amy, why run from God? Why run from His love?" Honestly? Because I'm scared. I'm scared of what He'll ask of me to do, that He'll tell me to do something that'll be too hard and I'll quit before I achieve the goal.
I do that a lot, I always stop short of the goal- I never take that one tiny little inch step forward to succeed. I always get scared and bail out. And I feel like I do that too much with God, I know He wants me to go into ministry... what type? I don't know yet. He's placed Kentucky Christian University on my heart... but it's insanely scary. Trusting God with my future, not knowing what's next, and finishing the goal of ministering to people out there who need to know His love.
I know I have a story, I mean... everyone does. A story of hope, redemption, and of God's pursuit of them. I bet as you're reading this you're either thinking, about your own story. And if you don't have one... I'd say take a closer look at your life and see where God is at. But, I know God gave me a story for a reason, we have stories to relate to fellow brothers and sisters in this walk of life. I don't want to put to waste my life and my story.
I'm in such a broken state right now. A spiritual time in my life where I find myself crying out to God just asking for His help, His peace, and the coolest part of all? He WANTS to give those things to me. He wants to help me, He wants to give me peace... and I feel it.
He's showing me so much about myself, and showing me how my heart works for Him and for the people in my community around me. He loves when I get quiet and just talk to Him, He loves when I come to Him and ask Him about what's happening because sometimes I can't articulate the words. And He loves watching me stumble and bumble my way around things until I finally get it, and can fully rest in Him.
I love that.
I can rest in Him.
In His love.
He has me. And it's so great.
He wants me to come away with Him, and just be with me. The Father WANTS to be with me. Even when I'm all messy and screwed up, He'll come sit in my bedroom with me and talk to me while I color in a coloring book from when I was a kid. He loves when I can act like a kid again. (Even though I do all the time anyways)
I don't know what 2011 has in store for me. At all. And it's awesome... I know I'll fail, I know I'll succeed... but God is there the whole way leading it all. He can use me in 2011, I'm not the exception.
I don't know if this made any sense, and frankly... I don't give a dern if it didn't. It made sense to me, and well... that's good enough for Him I think.
It's 5:28am, and I need sleep. I feel like if my parents read this they will give me lots of mercy for sleeping till the late afternoon.
Sorry Mom, sorry Dad. Love you! : )
Stay true-
Amy Elizabeth |
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