Holy Surrendered. -

Holy Surrendered. -

Amy Elizabeth

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[May. 19th, 2011|03:41 pm]

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Wild World- Skins Version

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Oh hey reader- you wanna know how my heart is? okay- I'll let you know.

I'm in a state of learning how my heart works and feels. I know Jesus knows my heart- but, I find it sad that I truly don't know my own heart. I don't know what makes it truly happy, and what makes it simply content. I'm learning about how to truly listen to the voice of truth in this time in my life. I realize that in the following weeks I will be worn out, burnt out, and busier than ever. And I'm sort of excited and dreading it. Dreading what is to come and how it will all work out, and excited to see how God shines through.

At least I'm doing something right for the moment. I'm searching for God in the hard spiritual times in my life. In those moments where I want to scream, give up, walk away, and isolate I am choosing to grab ahold to what I can of God and have Him pull me out of the muck I'm in. I love that. He never leaves me in the pit- He WANTS to come down and lift me up.

Last night I had an extremely uncomfortable talk with a friend. Perhaps one that could shape me. I wouldn't even honestly call it a conversation. More like a lot of truth being word vomited (Mean Girls reference ftw) on me at once. I don't like that. I don't like being told to do something, or someone doing something without reason. "Because" it's not an answer to me. Pet peeve maybe? Or a place where Jesus wants to meet me? Who knows.

I'm reading a book about living a radical life for God. About casting off the, "American Dream" way of living. And honestly- it's answered a ton of questions and convicted me in dozens of ways. I've decided for myself to stop spending so much money. I've cut back tremendously lately on spending and I love that my bank statement for my debit card is down to less than a page! (It's the little things right?) I'm hoping to get it down to me only using it for necessities if it's needed. I'm excited to see how Jesus meets me in this!

I've also realized I'm better at explaining my heart through typing it out instead of talking face to face with people. Good thing? Hmm... I think so. : )

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