Holy Surrendered.

Tue, 22 May 2012 06:31:21 GMT

so far this summer has been one for the books. not because of what i've done, who i've hung out with, or where i've gone. but for what God is doing in my life. in the last few weeks since school has been out i've- in a healthy way, have excluded myself from the craziness of life. to slow down and hear from Jesus and spend time with Him.

in just these last few weeks i've realized how urgently God has wanted to spend time with me.

over the course of this last semester i put God on the back burner and focused on MY ministry and MY free time. it was mine, and no one else's. i was focused on what could make me look better in others eyes. i spent more time at the church and with, "church" people. i said what people at my church expected me to say and did what i felt like they expected me to do. all it did was leave me feeling empty and lost.

and i think that's where most Christians are getting stuck today. they think they must stay in the church 24/7 and be involved. it's not always about that. it's not about being there when the doors are opened, hanging out with only church people, and speaking their lingo. it's about the relationship with Christ that you have.

you can't lead people to Jesus by talking about how great your church is and how great the people are around you.

and frankly, if you're in your church. it's not perfect. because you're not perfect.

if you don't know Jesus on a personal level and spend time in His word and hearing His truth pour out on you-- you've missed the mark my friend. not only do you grow from others, but your main source of growth comes from being with Christ one on one.

Billy Graham once said, "how are you to love people to Jesus if you don't let Him love you first?"... and Billy is right. i was so stuck on what i thought i had to do, than what i GET to do. which is follow Jesus with reckless abandon.

don't become so consumed with what the church wants from you and miss what God has PLANNED for you.

i was so stuck on MY ministry i forgot to focus inner walk with Jesus so i could love others the way He has created me to. people said i was doing great on the outside- and praise from others feels great but eventually the feeling fades and we want more.

i see praise as a drug to me, i seek it out and if i don't get it i make people give it to me. i make them think i am doing better than i am just so i get the congratulations by the end of the day.

pathetic?
hey, i promised when i made these blogs i'd be real.
there ya go.
that's real.

in the end, and as i can say right now in my life i'm learning to get lost in Him. in what He says about it all. i want to immerse myself in His truth, in His love, i want to be like Him. i want to follow where He goes. i love these days and the places He's sending me. i want to be as real with people as i am with Christ in the quiet places.

i want it to be more of Him,
less of me.

In Him,
Amy Elizabeth

Wed, 09 May 2012 06:42:05 GMT

i am not able to post a lot tonight due to me contracting mono earlier this week- but a quick thought.

after reading Matthew 24 and other sections of the gospels i'm blown away by the sadness that some people don't know Jesus. that when that day comes when Jesus strikes the Earth like a lightning bolt and taking people up from the east to the west-- many of my loved ones will be left here. to suffer the tribulation and survive the ruling of the anti-christ and any other trial that will be sent to the Earth.

i read these chapters with tears in my eyes excited to be with my Savior and King one day- but also, with sadness.

needless to say- thanks to Billy Graham and lack of sleep tonight a fire has been rebirthed in me once again.

people get ready- Jesus is coming.

In Him,
Amy Elizabeth

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 04:37:03 GMT

so i found this in my room- and decided to re-type it and put it here just in case i lose it. ya know?... for a rainy day and what not.

----

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"- 2 Corinthians 4:7-9

New covenant servants (followers of Jesus Christ) are, "earthen vessels" (ordinary clay pots). Yet, in the container of their redeemed humanity dwells, "this treasure" (the Son of God Himself). This arrangement calls for the treasure (Jesus), not the vessels (you and me) to be the object of all trust and the recipient of all glory: "that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us." Appropriately, the Lord has also arranged a process that magnifies the treasure.

This process involved the every day pressures of life, which comes from all sides. "We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed." Clay pots cannot withstand much pressure, but the treasure within us (Christ) is able to keep us from being smashed. "Be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus" (2 Timothy 2:1).

The process that draws attention to the treasure also involves many perplexities. "We are perplexed, but not in despair." we face difficult decisions and impossible issues, but our wonderful Counselor protets us from hopelessness: "in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge" (Colossians 2:3).

Peresecutions are included in the process: "persecuted, but not forsaken." People accuse us, misunderstand us, or lie about us. Still, we know we are not abandoned by our Lord who lives within us. "For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you'" (Hebrews 13:5).

Even catastrophes are a part of the process that magnifies the treasure who indwells us: "struck down, but not destroyed." Circusmtantial upheavals and overwhelming heartaches occur, but the Lord stabilizes our souls, so we don't, "tip over" under the weight of circumstances. "They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my support" (Psalm 18:18).

Thus, life comes at us like an overpowering military tank, ready to flatten us. There is no natural hope, because clay pots can't handle tanks. Yet, as the dust clears, the flower pot of our lives can remain intact (if we are trusting in the able and faithful One who lives in our hearts). Thereis no attacking tank that can overcome the Lord Jesus Christ. "He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world" (1 John 4:4).

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 05:23:10 GMT

Easter is coming up- and i'm finding myself in awe of a verse Matthew 27:51.

"At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split.."

if you all weren'te aware the curtain in the temple isn't a average run of the mill curtain you find in a college dorm bedroom. this curtain was extremely thick. it's been said that the curtain itself could of been up to 3 feet in depth... THREE FEET DEEP. that's a thick curtain. and the length of it was even more crazy. it draped from the top of the temple all the way down to the floor.

this curtain was used to keep the sin out of the holy place in the temple. hence why it was so massive. crazy. i know.

now let me get a little more... philosophical? sure. let's use that word.

the moment Jesus died on the cross the veil was torn. which my own personal belief shows a picture of what Jesus' death did for us as humans. it is a representation that His blood and His life covered our sin, and the veil being torn shows that we aren't separated from Jesus anymore. His life was the greatest sacrifice and from that day on we didn't need to be a certain degree of, "holy" to enter His presence. now- 2,000 years later exactly we are able to walk in the presence of Jesus daily.

going back to how massive the curtain was- it shows how big our sin is in a way. it's a picture of just how heavy, and deep our sin can go. we aren't meant to have that huge curtain or weight in our lives. if you literally give it to Jesus He will destroy it. and He will tear it from bottom to top as it says in scripture.

have you ever seen something tear from top to bottom. this shows that nothing could of messed with the curtain. there's no way that a man of any caliber or strength could climb to the top of the curtain and tear it. it was physically impossible thus showing Jesus' divinity and strength even in death.

it's crazy. a curtain and redemption go hand in hand.
i know this post didn't make any sense- but i had to share it.

if you think about it... it's about 1:25am-ish right now.
2,000 years ago Jesus right about this moment was being taken to prison for what He did. by now i'd like to believe that He had already been betrayed with a kiss and was being led away to the temple... being mocked, beaten, and persecuted the whole way. maybe right now 2,000 years ago Peter was denying Jesus. we don't really know the exact times... but it's insane to think that His crucifixion really happened and that He really did die so we could be forgiven.

He took on sin itself and was forsaken by His own Father for us.
it's crazy and unthinkable.
so in light of Easter- keep your heart available and your eyes open to what Jesus wants to reveal to you. allow Him to make this Easter one that doesn't just pass by with all the others. allow Jesus to show you how much He loves you and allow Him to tell you your worth to Him- that He would die on a cross for YOU.

i know. long post- doesn't make sense. i woke up at 9am this morning guys- give me some grace.

in Him,
Amy Elizabeth

My Thoughts On The Valley

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 04:06:33 GMT

so- i mentioned that i'd post about this a long time ago and i'm sorry i'm just now getting to it.
i know- i know- all 2 of you who read this are upset beyond words. my bad guys, my bad. here, i'll give you a gift.

you feel that? that was a hug. just for you. happy now?.... okay good. let's keep going shall we?

in the last 3 days or so i've found myself staying up way past the normal time of human activity thinking about my past, where i've been, and how far i've come. and honestly, it's insane. don't worry this post isn't going to be all about me. promise. just hold on.

you ever find yourself in those valleys? where you look up and see this HUGE mountain and you think, "wow, there's no way i can climb that... it's so high..."- and you just get comfy in your little valley never really seeing what's over the horizon...

it's sad- but it's true. so many people miss out on the gift of the horizon. people see this mountain and are afraid to climb it because it's hard, or it's scary, there's challenges, you think you're too out of shape, or it's too risky and you could get hurt.

honestly- the valley- sure it's nice and comfy and you have all you need down there- but if you stay there you won't get to experience life to it's fullest. you won't get to see things that God has wanted you to see since the day you were born. you miss out on so much when you're stuck in the valley.

i was stuck in my own valley for almost 5 and a half years of my life. and now i can honestly say that with a lot of blood, sweat, tears, confusion, risking, struggling, and climbing i'm near the top of my own mountain and i can see the trees breaking and i can see the sky-- it's been risky and it's been a tough climb. but now that i know i'm almost to the top i can't help but hit the full steam ahead button and finish the climb.

God didn't create us for valleys- He created us for the mountains.

the cool thing about climbing the mountain is that i know i'm not alone.
i have so many other people around me climbing the same mountain to get to the top and see the glory that God has made us to live in. His glory.

so don't be afraid. take one step at a time. one tiny eensie weensie step at a time to get to the top of your mountain. it's scary and it takes some getting used to- but the mountain can be conquered. God created it. God created the mountains and the valleys. He created them for us- so climb it.

climb and risk.
life rocks pretty hard.
don't miss out just because you're stuck in a valley.

in Him,
Amy Elizabeth

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 04:45:13 GMT

sometimes you just need to trust Jesus and shut the hell up.

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 07:14:43 GMT

it's nights like tonight that make me second guess myself.
second guess my worth.
second guess my words.
i feel like i'm walking on eggshells with my friends and my own sanity.
i want to explode.
i once again find myself shaken up- and i just need someone to take the cap off and let me release whatever this stuff is inside of me.

i want to be whole.
i don't want this constant longing for freedom.
it's nights like tonight where i find myself losing sight of Jesus- and in the morning i'm left alone to pick up the pieces.

i'm always alone.
well- i'm always alone with God.

i feel like i may regret writing this later.
but, i don't care.

Sat, 18 Feb 2012 04:06:01 GMT

i found a song last night- and i haven't stopped listening to it today.
i love how you can find yourself in music. music has a way of redeeming your heart and speaking words that you never dare say.

music allows you to express how much you love someone, the pain you feel, the longings you have, the hope that you have, anything you feel or are going through can be defined in a song.

losing yourself in music is a gift.
some people listen to music just to listen to it because it sounds cool or is what is, "the new top 40 hit" if you will.

but here's the inner hipster of me-
i love finding songs that aren't ruined by the music corporation. a song that is written by someone in a band who has had pains and triumphs and put those emotions and feelings into a song.

those songs, are the songs that speak volumes to me and my life- and those are the songs that travel with me throughout my story.

songs allow us to redeem ourselves from the ashes- and motivate us to shake the dust off and keep moving. there's freedom in music- there's freedom in the lyrics. there's freedom in the truth that express.

"you know I’ve got this friend up in the atmosphere,
an another reason not to fear the sky"

In Him,
Amy Elizabeth

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 00:31:44 GMT

i'm tired of getting pushed to the side.
i find myself constantly fending for myself.
and when i DO ask for help- i get shut down.
i sometimes wonder if it's even worth it to waste my breath?
maybe i should just suck it up and keep my stuff to myself.
grow a backbone.

i could use one right now.
whatever.

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 09:10:01 GMT

in 9 hours i have to go to the funeral of yet another friend.
and oddly enough... i'm not that upset.

i'm thankful for the time i spent with Matt.
i'm thankful that he got to receive Jesus.
i'm thankful and hopeful that i will see him again soon.

death isn't something new to me.
in a way it's defined my life.
but- in a way i'm thankful for that as well.
death has allowed me to love harder and make my words count.
i've been able to realize the value of a life and the value of my own life.

for the longest time i use to hate my life and not care about living.
i would just... go day by day just, existing.
and that's no way to live.

instead- live out your dash in new ways each day.
finish the race in flying colors.
God has called each one of us to great things- and i don't want mine to pass me by.
our life is a vapor.
a poof in the span of eternity.

it's insane.
and i'm thankful for this life.
and i'm thankful for the life Matt got to live.

i shall see you soon friend.
but not too soon. ; )

In Him,
Amy Elizabeth

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 19:16:19 GMT

Today is a day that will live in infamy forever.
It's a day that I will remember as the day that my world was turned upside down.
But then again- it will also be remembered as a day of redemption.
When God stepped in.

I'm typing this post from a Charlotte, North Carolina Starbucks on a friends computer.
And we just got the news that a friend of ours received Jesus for the first time.
Our friend got a clear picture of the Father, and how much He loves her.

One of my friends went from death to life in a physical sense.
One of my friends went from death to life in a spiritual sense.
It's amazing how when you pray that God redeems something He does it in a way that you wouldn't expect.

I love how Jesus is full of surprises and He's not able to be put into a box.
Our God is greater- Our God is stronger.
He's so higher than any of us.
He saw this day, and He saw this day seven years ago.

I'm undone at how good Jesus is to me.
It's kind of not fair-
but why would we want fair with Jesus right?

I can't wait to see what Jesus does January 22, 2013...

in Him,
Amy Elizabeth

Sat, 14 Jan 2012 05:49:28 GMT

I never realized this till now... but I've been extremely selfish with my faith and relationship with Jesus.

Somewhere deep inside myself I feel like I deserve more from God, that I've gone through too much stuff and have held it against Jesus like a blackmail to Him. Like, "God, you made me go through ____, so because of that I'm going to pick something that I know isn't from You at all."

And that be it, I wouldn't have remorse, I wouldn't feel that bad about it. In the aftermath of it all I would just sit back and think, "Whoops."

These last few weeks I've really come to WANT TO live a life of honor to God. By picking Him, and seeking His glory out in all things. Sure, it's hard and I still want to pick sinful things... but I know that when I glorify Him- He is happy.

And isn't that all that matters?

That at the end of the day all glory, praise and thanksgiving goes to God?
I want to live a life not sitting down.
I've played it safe, and haven't risked as much as I know God is calling me to.
And honestly, that's not fair to the one who loves me no matter what I pick...

So I guess this is a declaration of change and a new chapter in the story God is writing for my life.

He wants me to live a life of miraculous possibilities, of second chances, and grace.

I'm ready.
And I'm stoked for the next.

In Him,
Amy Elizabeth

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 06:33:15 GMT

I should probably post something soon.
I'm inspired, just not sure how write about it yet.
Coming Soon: My Thoughts On The Valley.

Sounds interesting right?
Yeah, I don't think so either.

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 07:49:18 GMT

Here we go.
A rant shall we call it?

I'm tired of people being so worried about the people around them and who sees them do what.

You know the people I'm talking about.
The ones who complain when someone doesn't follow them on Twitter or Facebook.
The person who is constantly trying to one up, and or be better than the next person.
The person who spends way too much money on a t-shirt just because they want to, "look cool".

I don't understand why anyone would live like this- and I also don't understand why anyone would live like this and be in denial that they do. It's disgusting to me.

We all have a voice, we all were created UNIQUELY for a REASON.
Stop trying to be like Joe-Blow next to you. You may think that person is awesome and amazing and someone else may think they are a total and complete douche-bag-ass-wipe.

Stop trying to be someone you're not. And just be you. Be who you want to be. Be happy, be creative, be nerdy, be dumb, be athletic, be whatever. As long as you're happy. Don't try to be like someone else.

I've heard it said that what we see in people and from people is their highlight reels. We don't see the behind the scene footage of their struggles, heartaches, problems, addictions... what have you.

So stop comparing yourself.
Stop wanting the best things.
Stop trying to be better than everyone and or compare yourself to everyone.

You are created uniquely.
Your words matter and you should use them.
Let your voice rise.
Don't sell yourself out for something ridiculous like friends on a social networking site.
And don't sweat that you have 50 followers or 50,000. It doesn't matter.

No one is better than anyone else.
Because in the end...

The ground is leveled at the foot of the Cross.

-Amy Elizabeth

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 02:34:26 GMT

So here we are again Livejournal... another year- and yet another post.
It's crazy to think that so much has been posted here. So many words, so many feelings, emotions, and thoughts. Even though there has been much said, there is still so much that has been left unsaid as well.

I never feel fully safe, or secure enough to say what I need to say in fear of someone getting hurt by my words. Even here. I know that this journal doesn't get as much traffic flow as it once did- but, I know there are still a few stragglers... Who come around every once and a while.

Maybe- one day- I will be able to allow my words to ring out like gunshots in the night. Or, a song that gets stuck in your head all day; no matter how hard you try to remove it.

I want my words to matter, I want what I say in this journal and even in my everyday life to matter.

I think that's what everyone wants in the end- to matter. To make an impact. To change something that seems impossible. To leave a legacy I guess.

Funny thing is- we all leave legacies. We all leave impacts. Every word you say, every little thing you do, it sticks with a person. A song comes on the radio and it may remind someone of you, or a phrase in a book or, a simple salutation from a friend.

We are all on a journey and we all have words to use and to impact people. So don't take your words for granted. Don't take your life and your story for granted.

Your story matters.

In Him,
Amy Elizabeth

“Sometime I think we waste our words and we waste our moments, and we don’t take the time to say the things that are in our hearts when we have the chance.”
— One Tree Hill

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 02:14:20 GMT

all consuming fire.
You are our hearts desire.

i want to know how high, how deep, how wide is Your love.
reveal it to me Jesus.
reveal Your love to me Father.

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 07:14:43 GMT

Dear you,

All I can say is thank you. Thank you for being a constant throughout this year. In the midst of all that has happened you have always been behind me cheering me on and loving me to no end. And that's exactly what I needed.

When I felt unloved, lost, broken, and tossed to the side you were there to remind me that I am loved, valued, and needed. You helped me dust the dirt off and help me stand up and keep going. You're always pushing me forward and cheering me on. And I can't thank you enough for that.

You're unlike any person I've ever met. You tell me that I'm strong and I can overcome. You tell me God is on my side even when I feel like He's in the other corner. You tell me that you will always be there for me and cheer me on to day 365. (267). It means the world.

I've never met anyone like you- and I'm so thankful I have. You remind me to look up, keep going, and muster up the strength to follow the plans God has for me.

So to you, and you know who you are- I thank you. I raise my glass high in your honor.
Also, thanks for the bear.
She's lovely.

All my love,
Amy Elizabeth

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 08:40:36 GMT

Dear 18 Year Old Amy,

This year is going to be one of the hardest years to date for multiple reasons. But you're stronger than that. You can and you will overcome this year. Risk your heart on him again- it's worth it. It may hurt, and you may get confused. But it makes you know the difference between love and lust later on.

You're going to kick start your relationship with Jesus and hit a hard wall right after. That wall is going to knock you down, and it's going to hurt. You will fail, you will hurt people, but you will become victorious in the end.

You will lose someone close to you. It's going to hurt, and you will be confused and hurt- but the pain won't last forever. It will be okay.

You're going to relapse- and it's going to hurt those around you and yourself. But you will get through it. You will find an escape and stick to it. Even now it's hard but it's so worth it.

Your story matters- your words matter. Love people like you mean it in your heart. Don't be a jerk and self protect. It will get you no where. You are really loved and cared for. Believe it, and live in that.

With that being said, good luck 18 Year Old Amy.

Sincrely,
20 Year Old Amy.

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 07:03:30 GMT

I'm not someone people want around.
I'm that person that most people stomach when they see at church, school, or just out and about.
I'm always left behind- and I have to fight to have friends it feels like.

Well guess what?...
I'm done fighting.
I'd rather be alone than a burden.

Wed, 14 Dec 2011 07:00:44 GMT

I am fighting to stay at the cross.
I'm in a season- I hurt someone I love.
I've been beating myself up.
I can't fix it.
There's no way.
Only Jesus can do that.
And Him alone.

I feel helpless in a sense.
But hopeful the same.
I am fighting to grip onto the cross.
When all that I want to do is run from it.
He wants me near, and wants to hold me dear.

Like a child I am torn. Do I go and hide, or stay in the safety of His arms?
I'm realizing how broken I really am.
And how far from grace I have fallen.
I want Jesus.
I want love.
I don't want religion.

I want my friend back.
The way that is was.
I hate that I had to realize how messed up I am... through a few simple words.

Like I said,
I can't fix it.
I can't mend it.
But I can trust Him.

That's it.

In Him,
Amy Elizabeth

Mon, 05 Dec 2011 06:35:09 GMT

Winter break is coming up quickly. In just a few short days finals will be long gone from my mind. No school, no worries.

Frankly, this is one of my favorite times of year.
Why you ask?

It's my time where I can totally take myself out of the picture.
You may ask... "Amy, what does that mean?"
I just stay to myself.
I hermit up.
I stop going places I feel like I have to go to make people happy- to people please.
And I just exist.
It's exhilarating.

And the best part of the winter for me- is that its the season I spend the sweetest time with Jesus. Each winter me and Him get away together. It's like dating all over again.

I can't wait to see what Jesus has to show me.
It's so refreshing to know that in a few short days things will be so much more calm and manageable.

Till then... I'll be studying for Psychology.

See you in a few days Livejournal.

In Him,
Amy Elizabeth

Sun, 27 Nov 2011 12:27:34 GMT

"With everything....
With everything....
We will shout for Your glory."

Everything.
That's everything we can muster up in us.
That's everything we can get out in hard times.
That's everything we can get out in good times.
With everything we are called to shout for His glory.
No matter how bad off we feel, no matter how far from God we are... it all comes back to the cross and His glory.

"With everything...
We we will shout forth Your praise.
Whoaa...oh....oh....."

In Him,
Amy Elizabeth

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 05:11:39 GMT

I kind of love when Jesus calls me to go down hard paths and seasons. In the middle of it, I know there will be pain. There will be confusion. But, I know once I come out the other side... I will be grown, matured, and learned in a new area.

I've never really seen myself as a, "strong" person- but lately that's what Jesus has been calling me. He is calling me a Survivor... a Champion.

There's nothing I can't overcome with Him.

Jesus has revealed so much to me in the last few weeks... It's been hard. It's been challenging. But, it's been totally worth it. Have I taken the true, and right steps to get freedom from these things? I have for the most part... School and what not is keeping me from going all out.

Personally, I am a fan of the saying, "time heals all things". Which is true- but Jesus does as well. So I'm getting to trust Him with my time and His timing. It's scary- but totally worth it.

Okay. There's a quick post. No one reads this anything anymore. I think it's for my own amusement.

In Him,
Amy Elizabeth

side note- if you haven't bought the new Elevation Worship album on iTunes that came out tonight... you need to do it. Now. Don't miss out...

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 05:29:20 GMT

"God filled me up, but only to be poured out. Strange how God works. He sent a King, but only to be a servant. He gave Him flesh, but only so it could be pierced. He gave Him blood, but only so it could be spilled. He gave Him life, but only so we could give Him death. He died, but only to rise again. He saw we were imperfect, so He took the blame. He sees us now, His Son smiles back. Strange how God works."

Fri, 04 Nov 2011 04:56:29 GMT

I'm being transformed. I'm realizing the head and heart disconnect in my life- and Jesus has taken over and is pulling the two together to mend them. I'm believing Jesus for what He says about me. He says I will overcome and I will. I'm realizing the power that comes from Jesus. I'm blown away.

He wants me to come away with Him.
And I am running.
I want to be with Him.

In Him,
Amy Elizabeth